Super Star!

I cannot quite take it in!

This has been the hardest wait of my life, and the most emotional. This morning, the whole IVF process culminated in one small word.

Pregnant.

sorry, I mean one big word! PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will remember this morning for ever. The best moment? Well, there were two. My husband telling me whilst making me a tea and waiting for the test results how VERY VERY much he wanted this to work. The second was his grin (he has a wonderful crooked smile that I fell in love with in a photo I saw of him before we ever met each other). His grin was because we THOUGHT we could see a faint line on the test appearing. Of course, I'd bought another test, (one would never be enough), and although the hospital one showed the faintest of lines, the other was a digital one like the picture above.

PREGNANT.

I feel so numb that I want to cry, and laugh and shout and run around like a child...

My mother cried great huge body-shaking tears of relief and joy.

My best friend snuck out of a meeting to ring me, and we laughed together.

My son - well, he giggled with his step-dad over silly names, and later stood and rang his grandparents doorbell at 8.15am this morning, and when my mother answered he told her he is going to be a big brother.

I feel so lucky.

We are SO lucky.

I have read so many posts and message boards, and I know that many of the couples I saw during the process of IVF passing through hospital corridors with their bags of injections and hands held tight have not been this lucky.

There was a woman on exactly the same timed cycle of me, that I last saw on the day of embryo transfer. I wonder about her this morning. My heart feels like bursting with the luckiness and joy of it all, whilst feeling the ache of those who have not been so lucky.

I met Alex, my lovely husband, on 12th July 2003. He got on a plane and followed his heart to see if this eccentric British woman he found on an Internet dating site could possibly be the soul mate he was searching for. Somehow, I managed to convince him I was! I fell in love with him the moment I saw him coming towards me at the airport terminal. He lifted me up, we kissed, and we have followed our hearts ever since. I gave him a card, on which I wrote the last line as;

"12th July 2003 - and we started a love affair that will never end".

I felt that then and never has it felt more vibrant and real than today.

I have felt such genuine love and support from family and relations, from old friends and new, those I can hug and cry with, and those who have reached me with encouragement and stories of their own through this site. What a journey! and it's only just begun...

I know it's frighteningly early, there are still hurdles to jump (being an old!! mother makes things trickier I am told!!). I don't care about those things today. We'll worry about them if and when they happen. My stars, either one or both of them (now there's a thought!!) have decided to stay with us and become our child(ren).

Today is about five words.

We are having a baby.

Maybe it's seven words...

We are having a baby. Or two...

"Where there is the greatest love, there are always miracles". Willa Cather