Grumpy Cow

I remember now why I called this blog "The Challenge of Life"!

Take a mother with a hip replacement, a father who is misbehaving even more than usual in terms of his temper, add a husband who has decided it is time to give my father some home truths about his behaviour (and is perfectly justified might I add), and then, just for good measure, add a bit more bleeding this morning out of the blue - and "just relax" doesn't really seem to fit!

Two of my closest friends are charging (separately) around Australia with their families, so I can't pick up the phone and have a whinge to either of them like I normally would! (Perhaps the fact they've both gone to Australia should tell me something... hmmm....) Life feels a bit of an uphill struggle just now. I know that most of the world are having a worse time. I know I should be counting blessings, and I am, honestly.

I feel in my heart that all is well with the baby, and I am not allowing myself a single negative thought (well, officially!!). We have the 8 week scan on Thursday, so two days to wait and then we'll hopefully get confirmation that all is OK. Another hurdle. I cannot wait for the 12 week moment, when I can really enjoy all this, and R.E.L.A.X.!!

I am trying to be calmer and less "hyper". For mine, and the baby's sake and most definitely for my long-suffering Husband's sake. I know he's sitting at work today feeling unfairly treated. Last night I was mad-hormonal-grumpy-cow-from-hell and I don't really know why. I ranted and raved and I was horrible. FOUL! I hope he reads this today, and knows my heart is heavy, and that I am sorry. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

If you get a moment, read my husband's last blog post. He's an amazing man. He is the most complicated, difficult, intense and impossible human being I have ever met. He is also the most loving, bravest, loyal, gentle, thoughtful, reflective, intelligent, knowledgeable human being I have ever met. It makes for an amazing life with him. Add in my own intense, often ridiculous and not-always-very-grown-up way of handling things, and it can go spectacularly right and sometimes the absolute opposite...

I wish I could change my often-angry response to things. It ALWAYS leads to me feeling bad. It often leads to my lovely husband feeling bad.

I read this today;

"Real Happiness
Are you beyond happiness and sorrow? Is your life, your day, a series of peaks and troughs - one minute ecstatic, next minute depressed. If you are up and down, even a little, it probably feels normal, because the swings between such extremes have been with you for so long. But you don't need the ups and downs to make life feel alive. In fact the ups we call happiness are not really happiness but a kind of false interpretation of happiness. Real happiness is not the result of rising out of depression, and it does not result into falling into regular periods of depression. Real happiness is stable, constant, lasting, not dependent on anyone or anything. Sometimes we call it contentment or serenity or joy. But it's not excitement. Excitement will result in depression. Happiness just is. It's hard to imagine it after a life of highs and lows. Faced with the choice of constant, stable contentment and all the ups and downs, some people choose to stay with the ups and downs. And this is called addiction. The ups are dependent on something and that something just does not last forever. To discover real happiness don't pursue it and don't make it dependent on anything"

seems a pretty good note to end on today...

I put this picture up (my favourite of our wedding day), to remind myself I am not always a grumpy wife