I'm normal!! (yes, I know what you're thinking but it's official)

I have been hopeless!

I haven't posted for a few days.

I found that a strange thing happened to me.

When I first started this on-line "diary", I found it exciting to be able to put my thoughts down in this way, share IVF dramas with family and friends, connect with others, and generally release all sorts of emotions that were sort-of stuck in me.

That felt fine, until recently, when I started to have some bleeding, and real fears that things were not going well with my pregnancy. Suddenly, I felt very exposed. I felt as if I'd said too much, revealed too much, made myself vulnerable through this blog, and I kind of "ran to ground". There I have lurked, with an odd glance at my favourite blogs, whilst I settled my nerves at sharing this intimate time in my life with my family, friends (and blog friends) across the world.

Two days ago (I am almost scared to write this), the bleeding stopped. The morning (and lunchtime and especially evening sickness) upped it's impact and swamped me like a wave. Suddenly, from my hidey hole, I felt like this baby was settling down and all is well. Instead of feeling vulnerable, I wanted to share this and who better than my blog family and friends!

Strange, how that happened. My friends tell me (Sheila, that's especially you!!) that when I'm in trouble, they always know. I crawl off somewhere like a wounded animal and all falls silent. I guess even in the blogosphere, we have the same traits.

So - the news!! I am now 9 weeks pregnant, all is well, the baby scan at 8 weeks showed a healthy little baby and very obvious heartbeat. I am now discharged from the fertility unit, and into "normal" care. That feels significant!!

My husband (you must read his latest post, although it will hurt) picked his daughter and step-son up yesterday, so I had lots of questions from her over breakfast this morning. It's the first time I've seen her since the test was positive on 1st March. My son told her the baby is the size of a strawberry, has webbed hands and feet and it's tail is disappearing. "tail??" said my stepdaughter, with her nose screwed up. "yeah, it's got a tail - like a tadpole" said my son with the expertise of a seven-year old. Then they laughed their heads off.

"Normal" feels pretty good...