Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star...

Yesterday was nerve-wracking!

It was the date of our 6 week scan, to find out if the embryo transfer really has resulted in a viable baby or two!

This was the point where we found out how many babies we might be having, and, critically, whether such a thing as a hearbeat might be detected...

I was incredibly nervous. Alex was too. My emotions ranged from "please can they find a heartbeat and a baby" to "what if it is twins??"...

Well, our luck continues.

One of our stars is still with us....

They found one embryo, doing exactly what it should do at this stage, and growing just right. More importantly than anything, fluttering in the corner of the little white speck that is our future child, was a tiny movement, like a miniature butterfly trapped in a cobweb.

A heartbeat.


My whole life has been about protecting myself. I have played the "what if...?" game since I was a little girl. Always trying to make sure I didn't get caught out by something bad happening that I didn't plan for or anticipate. The problem with that oh-so-careful approach is that most of the things you're scared of never happen, and I know the energy I've put into worrying about them is wasted energy.

So, I have decided to really try and stop worrying about what might be, to not see this as a series of hurdles to be jumped, but to relax and finally enjoy where we are right now. I am pregnant, we are having a baby, and it is healthy and has a beating heart! And did I mention how wonderful my husband is being right now? How I feel cocooned in his love? It's a pretty wonderful place to be.

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

My husband has a look on his face I only dreamt about seeing one day.

For an old 39 year old (!), I feel like running a marathon or climbing a mountain!! Then again, when I look back over the last 6 weeks, maybe we just did...