Thursday 26 April 2007

a heartbeat, and losing your two front teeth

So, all is going well!

We had our booking appointment with the midwife on Tuesday, and she managed to find a heartbeat. We have seen this tiny fluttering heart of our baby twice in the really early scans, but never actually heard it before. It was like hearing this baby "talk" for the first time - a sound that told us that all is well. I don't know if other women that have been pregnant feel this way (sure they do!), but a month is long time between the last scan and this appointment. There are days when I truly think I have imagined the whole, wonderful thing. It seems so unreal, and hard to comprehend, that I am growing a person! Especially after the IVF and protection mechanisms you develop to try and deal with the disappointment if it doesn't work. It's really hard to re-programme and believe in it all!

Hearing a heartbeat helps that re-programming more than anything!

So, one more hurdle. We have the nuchal scan on Saturday to find out about abnormalities and Down's syndrome etc. That whole topic is so huge, I shall avoid starting to write about it! I am focused on this baby being healthy and well, and not letting myself entertain any negative thoughts!

onto other things...

My son lost two teeth in the same day! He thinks he looks so cool ,whilst I try not to laugh at his lisp! This was taken just before the next one fell out!! Thank goodness we don't have to watch him wriggling it any more...



Finally, a quote for my husband.

"One sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best".
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I love you

Thursday 19 April 2007

Our Little Miracle




Feeling a bit overwhelmed about being pregnant today - in a good way! This little soul is the same size (11 weeks) as our growing baby!

"Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is miracle." Marianne Williamson

Monday 16 April 2007

Easter fun, and the simple life

I have neglected my blog entirely, but for good reasons.

We have just had a wonderful Easter break, with my son, my step daughter and my husband's stepson (my double stepson as my son calls him!).

We had planned all sorts of lovely days out - a visit to the Natural History Museum in London, shopping trips so the kids could spend their Easter money etc.

A strange thing happened on the way to Easter...

Firstly and unusually for the UK, the weather got great just around the holidays. Not great, but FANTASTIC! We have had hot sunny days that rarely coincide with bank holidays or Easter vacations! So, we made the most of it - we got outside, and enjoyed all that nature has to offer - and suddenly, when faced with the days out to London, and money spending trips, the kids voted with their hearts. "No thanks", was their unequivocal response - we'd rather do the simple (read "fun") stuff.

So we did.

For 5 days we played and played...




and the only support needed was a good picnic...



and a place to build dens..



and swing and climb on trees...



We're exhausted! But in a great way! Even the dogs had fun!!



I wonder which holiday our kids will remember most, when in the years to come, we talk about Easter breaks??

I'll put my money on this one...

Wednesday 4 April 2007

I'm normal!! (yes, I know what you're thinking but it's official)


I have been hopeless!

I haven't posted for a few days.

I found that a strange thing happened to me.

When I first started this on-line "diary", I found it exciting to be able to put my thoughts down in this way, share IVF dramas with family and friends, connect with others, and generally release all sorts of emotions that were sort-of stuck in me.

That felt fine, until recently, when I started to have some bleeding, and real fears that things were not going well with my pregnancy. Suddenly, I felt very exposed. I felt as if I'd said too much, revealed too much, made myself vulnerable through this blog, and I kind of "ran to ground". There I have lurked, with an odd glance at my favourite blogs, whilst I settled my nerves at sharing this intimate time in my life with my family, friends (and blog friends) across the world.

Two days ago (I am almost scared to write this), the bleeding stopped. The morning (and lunchtime and especially evening sickness) upped it's impact and swamped me like a wave. Suddenly, from my hidey hole, I felt like this baby was settling down and all is well. Instead of feeling vulnerable, I wanted to share this and who better than my blog family and friends!

Strange, how that happened. My friends tell me (Sheila, that's especially you!!) that when I'm in trouble, they always know. I crawl off somewhere like a wounded animal and all falls silent. I guess even in the blogosphere, we have the same traits.

So - the news!! I am now 9 weeks pregnant, all is well, the baby scan at 8 weeks showed a healthy little baby and very obvious heartbeat. I am now discharged from the fertility unit, and into "normal" care. That feels significant!!

My husband (you must read his latest post, although it will hurt) picked his daughter and step-son up yesterday, so I had lots of questions from her over breakfast this morning. It's the first time I've seen her since the test was positive on 1st March. My son told her the baby is the size of a strawberry, has webbed hands and feet and it's tail is disappearing. "tail??" said my stepdaughter, with her nose screwed up. "yeah, it's got a tail - like a tadpole" said my son with the expertise of a seven-year old. Then they laughed their heads off.

"Normal" feels pretty good...